Parenthood; Discovering a New World

I became a Mother at the tender age of 18. I knew nothing about babies and children; I'd never even babysat for younger siblings or cousins! It was a daunting experience but always a role I've taken very seriously. My first child was perfect to me; they were quiet, didn't cry or want fussing over. Yet I had no idea at the time what autism was. They were so beautifully eloquent at an early age and loved reading books! I didn't really know much about milestones but I know my first born was a late walker. I think they were about 17 months old by the time they took their first steps but, they were so well advanced in other areas such as reading and hand/eye coordination I remember I wasn't too worried. My eldest child was 4 when my youngest was born.

When my youngest was only 8 weeks old their father passed away in a tragic car accident. It was a shock to the system; one we don't expect, but it made me determined to manage for the sake of my children. I took time to grieve, not always in the healthiest of ways but I didn't sink or lose sight of future goals or aspirations. It was during this time my eldest child began 'acting out' at nursery. We explained it away for a year or so due to the family dynamic and the circumstances. I'd spend some days with the curtains drawn in my pyjamas. I remember I wasn't sleeping very well and would often stay up until late into the night. I don't think I really understood the impact this had on my children until much later but I pulled myself out of it with the help of a couple of my neighbours at the time. They were incredibly supportive. I lived in a little cul-de-sac; a small but loving community of strong independent women who I held very dear to me.

When my eldest entered primary school (reception) the calls started to increase. "Can you come and get them, there's been an 'issue'". I was so overwhelmed with the lack of support from the school and an incident where his shoes were confiscated and he was locked in a classroom alone, I moved my eldest child to the same Catholic primary school I had attended. Almost immediately the school SENDCO got involved with some intervention planning and we had a couple of progress reviews. I don't think anyone at the school ever suggested or mentioned autism but nonetheless, referrals were made for speech and language support and an Educational Psychologist came and observed them in class. It was a long process but the school demonstrated many times that they had my child's best interests at heart, even if there were some 'blips' along the way. After 4 years of reports, meetings referrals to CAHMS and the NHS, my eldest received a diagnosis of autism. I think by this time I had already done so much reading I was just ready for an explanation as to why my child was so upset and distressed about what others believed to be obscure topics; numbers missing from sequences, new or unexpected visitors to their classroom or traffic on the way to school.

I believe prior to receiving their diagnosis, my Mother was working in a specialist provision as the school finance manager. I was able to secure a learning support role and I think this was quite the turning point in our lives. My youngest was 2 and my eldest child was around 6. I very quickly picked up some key strategies for communication; using simple visual cues, reducing spoken language and adapted my home to suit the needs of my child. I learned how to be patient, celebrate my childs differences and support their communication, helping them to express themselves freely.

I spent a number of years working full time in the provision. I gained a diploma in learning support, a first class honours degree in Childcare, Learning and Development and then went on to achieve an MSc in Psychology. In the 7 years I spent across the specialist provision, I went from being a learning support assistant to the schools ICT HLTA (Higher Level Teaching Assistant) to the school ICT SEND Developer; a job role written specifically by myself and the school principal. I had crafted my own job role in the school to become more effective than teaching Computing for an hour a week in each classroom. I identified a missing link between speech and language support, behaviour, communication and learning. I knew I could bridge this gap by working collaboratively with others including SLT, families, parents/carers and teachers; creating think outside the box interventions for students, who had the most complex communication and behavioural difficulties. One day I'll probably touch upon why I left this job role, but for now I'll leave it as is!

From here, I left to work in an autistic school for students aged between 11-18. I became a wellbeing tutor for Year 9 and an intervention worker; assigned to some of the more complex learners across the school. I resigned from this job role in 2020 when my youngest child was being bullied at school. Due to some safeguarding concerns I felt were not addressed by the senior leaders, I left to focus on home learning and created a personalised curriculum to support his development, enabling him to flourish and fulfil his potential.

My youngest son is now on the pathway to autistic assessment and I received my own diagnosis 4 years ago aged 36. Only this week I also completed an ADHD assessment where it was decided according to the DSM-5, I have combined ADHD (scoring highly on both inattention and hyperactivity).

Parenting my own children and working with young people who manage to challenge and overcome some of the most difficult barriers to learning every single day has taught me more about myself than any book or teacher ever could. They opened up my eyes to a world I have always been a part of even though I never really knew it existed. It made me realise that the world is not built for neurodiverse minds. All children and young people can achieve in their own time and inclusive spaces if we teach them in ways that they can understand; all behaviour is a form of communication and we must listen, give them a voice and learn from their experiences.